Tyrone lost a tooth today. He showed me the empty space.
“I need to go to the emergency room. I can’t walk around looking like this.”
“Why not? What happened?” I asked.
“It fell out today,” Tyrone shared, displaying a god-awful mouth full of semi-rotted teeth. They were all mostly still there, except to front one to my left, which seemed not all that important at all, because others had already started closing in.
I pulled out my wallet and showed Tyrone my new Obama Care insurance card that was sent to me only because Ameirhealth had updated its pharmacy services. “Look at the effective date closely. It reads ‘March 1, 2014’. I had a wisdom tooth pulled last March and didn’t even realize I had insurance at the time. I walked into that Jersey-Mendez illegal immigrant clinic and demanded that they back bill for the services I paid on a sliding scale. They wouldn’t answer my phone calls, so I had to walk into their offices in person and flash my new Obama Care card at them. It felt as though I just sneaked across a boarder or something.”
“Did they take it?”
“Of course they did. They seemed so shocked that I brought this matter to their attention. Do you have Medicaid like the Mexicans do?” I asked.
“No.. My black ass needs to get it though.”
“I don’t know if Medicaid will fix that, Tyrone. It may be considered cosmetic. I was told Medicaid pays only for preventive services.”
“This is preventive. Without that tooth I’m one ugly mother-fucker. I just want one of those teeth that clamp in. You know, they got those little metal hooks on them and you can take them out and put them in water at night.”
“Just be careful not to put it in your piss jug,” I suggested. Tyrone laughed. He informed me weeks ago that he is so old that he wakes up many times throughout the night having to pee. He keeps a piss jug next to his bed.
“I think I have that old man piss syndrome too,” I told Tyrone. “One time when I was out delivering Barnes and Noble boxes in Chelsea I had to pee so bad that I started pissing down my own leg, I picked up my clipboard and pretended to do some sort of inventory as I pissed on Bed Bath and Beyond. I helps to have a big dick.” I explained.
“You’re fucking crazy,” Tryone admitted, smiling widely and showing me his new gap that in my opinion gives the ex-con, crack dealer a certain charm.