News of a $2 Billion loss at JP Morgan Chase alarmed me late yesterday. I quickly called 1-800-935-9935 and checked the balance in my personal checking account. Ever since the day Chase Bank froze my account due to “suspicious activity” I no longer trust the institution that accepts direct deposit of my Unemployment Insurance Benefits.
I’ll never get over the fact that the crooks at Chase considered a transaction I was handling for my job, a non-profit organization known as the Jewish Board, as “suspicious”. I deposited an $8,000 petty cash check, made out to me as office manager,and slowly withdrew the money over the period just over a week. (ATM’s in this town limit cash withdrawals to $1,000 a day.) It was the slow withdrawal of this petty cash money that caused suspicion, according to a teller who re-activated my account. In New York City, one cannot simply walk into a Chase Bank with a non-payroll check and expect the teller to hand over the cash.
I’m still trying to understand the transaction that cost Chase $2 Billion. The company’s stock fell nearly 10% today. According to Bloomberg News, ‘synthetic credit securities’ are to blame.
When Googling this phrase, all that one learns is that these synthetic investments are not the real thing and are simply another name for “Credit Swaps”– those seedy, under-the-table dealings available only to Hedge Funds, that nearly caused the entire country to file for bankruptcy and forced millions from their homes. It seems that Chase was banking on the fact that someone was not going to pay off a debt, yet the debtor did, and now, my bank is up shit’s creek.
We may never know what synthetic credit securities really are, but the fact is, the phrase sounds sophisticated when used by journalists from Bloomberg news.
If a woman from New Jersey nearly loses her child for sharing a tanning bed, we have no problem understanding what is written in the New York Post, but when $2B more is funneled to the rich Jews of East Hampton, we simply make up new words and print them on the front page of the papers, assuming there is no one out there who will question just what a synthetic credit security is.
I’m on my way to the ATM to take out the $40 set aside for this month’s electric bill. I have decided to spend this cash on booze instead– a real synthetic credit security.