Carotid arteries are the best place to inject embalming fluid if a Zombie happens to be diabetic, according to Bradley.
“It keeps the face from cringing up. Nobody wants to stumble around for all of eternity looking like a sourpuss,” he informed me.
“Oh, so do you mean to tell me that you had to learn medicine to become a mortician?”
“We have to know the basics. You are damned right we better understand diseases that affect tissue of the body, otherwise all our clients will look like Tammy Fae Baker on Larry King. Diabetic dead people are plagued with all types of ailments that do not respond well to the embalming fluid, including gangrene. Most diabetics have abnormal pigmentation to their skin already, especially the white people– oh God I hated working on crackers with diabetes. They start looking like carrots the minute they croak. Thank heavens I’m black.”
“That’s a fucked up thing to say, B, I mean really…”
“Well it’s the truth. I had to use hypodermic needles on their arms and legs just to return them to a state similar to the way they were while living.”
“What about working on Black folks? You can’t tell me they remain like coco when blood stops rushing through their veins.”
“There are all kinds of tricks to use. We have dyes and bleaches that can be add to the embalming fluid that will change the color of skin and we even have embalming powder which is used when one of the limbs was gangrened. We sprinkle it on and cover the part up with a plastic stocking.”
“Do you charge those customers more?”
“It’s all part of the package. If one purchases a fancy coffin, we go all out. If it’s a pine box they are in, well, I’d rather not say.”
“What are the most difficult cases?”
“Drowned victims, oh Christ, Pa– you don’t want to work on a body that was pulled from the East River.”
“Tell me about them later. I want to know about zombies who smoke dipped weed.”
“Who told you about dipping joints in embalming fluid?” Bradley asked.
“I only read about it…”